I spent two days this week in so much despair I literally drowned away my time with Netflix, books, chores, and internet surfing. Pretty much anything that was mindless. Cause when my mind was on, well it was ON. I was focused deeply on problems I can't control. (Head banging against a wall here) I really, really like control. The problem with control, it's an allusion. I don't have control, and never possessed it really. Jehovah-Jireh, King, Messiah- Creator- He is still in authority of ALL that happens. The control was and always will be Gods.
I have been sick. My child has been sick. There is more month than money. An upcoming surgery. Legitimate needs. Legitimate prayers. Legitimate helplessness. I have been knocking down doors in every possible angle trying to fix this. Trying to avoid needing a food pantry. Oh.my.pride.can.hardly.bear.that.thought.
Every door knocked, open, and slammed straight in my face.
Not really. Perspective is a game changer. "Rest oh my soul, for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with you." Psalm 116:7 The Lord gave me this verse exactly when I needed it. It has been my mantra, my meditation, my prayer. Bountifully, yes! At this moment, I am healthy and so is my family (Huge blessing). We have a comfortable roof over our head and have never once for even a moment, gone hungry. We have friends, family and a church who love and support us. I have the promise of Heaven and the provision of a Savior who promises to care for me as he does the ravens and lilies.
I am not holding a child who is dying from a brain tumor, or awaiting a cancer report after being widowed last year, or as the singer of this song, dying from an incurable cancer. My problems comparatively, are small. Perspective, game changer.
Isaiah calls him "Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty, Prince of Peace". Oh how I have longed and begged for that peace. And today in the middle of another no, another closed door, another rejection, I had peace. Now that is a peace that passes all understanding. That is a peace Netflix and mindless activity can.not. give. NONE of my problems have solutions. The answer to the prayer has not yet been heard. But here, in this waiting place, I found the peace of God. A gift of the Holy Spirit. I believe I was given peace because I have been inviting the Spirit into my heart each time I quoted Psalm 116:7. I have been desperately fighting for joy with the sword of thankfulness. Writing down gifts, reading gifts, counting gifts- tasting and seeing and savoring that the Lord is good. The Lord is good in the middle of uncertainty. The Lord is good in the middle of peace and prosperity. The one thing, that will never, ever change or fail me is that simple truth- the goodness of the Lord, is forever- I will never outlive it.
Ah! Exhale, "Rest Oh my soul, for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with you".
Oh, and the song above, worth all 5 minutes of your time. So beautifully written from a man who has truly learned to live daily with Christ and make each moment count.
This plumb tree- dead for years- suddenly blooming in April. And today, filled with new life. God you make all things new!