"Don't worry, I won't let you fall." Those words are not comforting to me, no matter the source. Mostly, because of context. Tables, the size of wooden see-saws, induce fear into my heart. I have generally been placed on them for scans, surgeries or x-rays. Saturday, I was being contorted on the chiropractor's table. Being placed on a small table again immediately brought back a flood of emotions and a chord of fear. On the table, I am completely out of control. Staying on the tiny table requires a great deal of trust, and sometimes, restraining belts. I fight it, every.single.time. I was so feisty the first time I was placed on a gurney, they completely restrained my hands and feet. I was 14 going on 45. Even completely bound, I argued with the paramedic. Bullheaded down to my feet. I have trust issues. There, I said it. Yep, don't seem to trust anyone else but me to run the show. And let me just say in response to Dr. Phil, it's not working for me. The Lord is constantly putting me in situations beyond my control. People I can't change, children who won't obey, finances that don't add up, opportunities out of my reach. Those too-big-for-me-just-right-for-God situations are just like that tiny table. Every single time I have been placed on a small table, it has been for my well being. The entire goal of the procedure is restoration. The end result is a complete recovery. God, who by the way, already has control of my life, is looking for submission. I am to submit my will to the unknown of His will and trust that He is after my good. God is worthy of my trust. He has earned my trust. He knows better how to direct my life than I do. Proverbs 3:5, 6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path. We are promised direction, if we seek it. There are approximately 864 thousand things I would love to change about myself in 2014. And most of them would be good, noble changes. Problem is, I can't. It is the Holy Spirit who goes about sanctifying us. If I want the fruits of the Spirit, I need to spend more time with the Spirit. My focus this year is one simple word, prayer. I am going to chose a place to pray and specific times of the day to pray. I am going to be intentional about prayer. And when God puts me on that tiny table again, I am going to recognize it as an opportunity to trust God. Just don't expect me to be using cruise control anytime soon.